The New Colossus: ABSOLUTELY NSFW Edition

A friend of mine sent me a nice text the other afternoon. I should say up front that this is not one of my vulgar, vile, disgusting friends who writes poetry about labias or axe murder or both, but one of the adorable, gentle friends, one of the friends who always goes to church and who always shows up to work exactly on time and who always knows where the band-aids are. Helpful. Affable. Universally well-liked.

And deeply, deeply disturbed.

Friend: I almost told someone to “lick my soppy wet cunt lips” today.

[EXCUSE ME MISS I DON’T THINK I HEARD YOU CORRECTLY.]

Friend: Not out of anger or anything, just as a joke. And when I think of saying things like that, I’m always reminded of the mouth on you. (There’s a lesbian pun on there that I’m just gonna leave.)
Me: YES. <3 <3
Friend: And then I think you may somehow be proud or amused by these ways I’m reminded of you. All fondly of course.
Me: I love it when people tell me shit like this.
Friend: Yes! Who you are (all balls-out and what-not) is one of my favorite things of anyone I know.
Me: And I love your good-natured sweetness because I know it’s as genuine as the rebellious humor that lies not too far beneath the surface. COMPLICATED WOMEN GO!
Friend: I recognized the same good-natured sweetness in YOU long ago not too far beneath the sailor-mouth surface. WOMAN POWER.
Me: You complete me. <3
Friend: Right?? Love-fest complete.
Me: My cunt lips are so soppy right now.
Friend: And now I sit laughing out loud all by myself at this cafe.
Me: That’s called “laughsturbation” and it’s perfectly natural.
Friend: Laughsturbating even harder. So hard.
Me: It’s obscene in public. Slut.

I am the Ellis Island of shy people. Give me your farts, your kegels, your wet queefs yearning to breathe free.

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